Never Love Again
by ABloodyWonder
Summary: Oh she was naive. But now...how can she ever love again? Attend the tale of Nellie Lovett. Rated M for sexual Themes and later chapters. Its COMPLETE. Review me...or else!
1. Father and Daughter

**Never Love Again.**

Mrs Lovett had _always_ been a charming lady, a pretty girl before that and a wonderful child before that. Men had _always_ seemed to notice it. She had _always_ been conscious of their stares and looks, and the way they constantly seemed to be around her, and she began to notice the way her presence influenced men. Their voices grew deeper, their hands seemed to be reaching to touch her, caressing her cheek or holding her by a shoulder, their eyes- their attention seemed to be totally concentrated on her.

Well, she was conscious of that. It had never worried her or bothered her in any way. Actually, it was the very contrary. She _liked_ attention, she _liked_ to have eyes pointed on her, she liked it.

She was conscious of being beautiful. She was never one of those tall, delicate blondes that seemed to be goddesses fallen on earth , she was beautiful, human wise. Her eyes were shiny and her hair, well, her hair was always a mess, untameable and wild but so beautiful, with that red shine in it and the curls that fell down to the end of her back. Nellie Lovett was quite a beauty indeed.

She was self conscious too, she couldn't help but give herself a little stare as she passed by a mirror or a water puddle on the ground. She knew the reaction she caused in men but she knew the limit. She knew when to stop a hand that was slowly sliding down her back or a stare that was falling from her eyes to meet her chest, often much too bare.

She liked the attention but feared it still, she needed attention but still she feared what men would, could ask back.

She thought her father would have protected her, she knew he would, no one, none of those unknown and charming gentlemen would ever get to her, without her wanting it, of course. She loved him for it, for being there.

She hugged him tight that night, thanking him for just being there, and he hugged back, telling her that no one would ever harm her, he was there.

It was not true.

Someone would have harmed her and he would be very much around.

His hand fell slowly down her back "What? Cant a father cuddle his daughter?". He cuddled her, he did, and she hoped he had never done so.

That day she lied on her back, arms and legs straight, looking at the ceiling. Her mind blank. Her body felt like it wasn't hers anymore. It wasn't. "You are mine" he'd told her, laying mercilessly over her, hands fiddling with her skirts. There was love in his voice. Not a father to daughter love. A love that made his voice grow low and his hands move frantically. More of a predator to pray love.

Mrs Lovett was never, ever going to be a pray anymore. She would never love again.

* * *

_This COULD be my first attempt of non-oneshot fiction... Should I go on?  
Please review, you should see my face when I see a new review on :D_

_I still haven't grown to be a mothertongue so please spot out grammar errors for me...please grins_

_Anyway...fresh pies for whoever reviews.  
ABloodyWonder_


	2. One year and a half act

**

* * *

**

Never Love again.

Second chapter.

* * *

Nellie was never, ever going to be a pray anymore. She would never love again.

She'd ended up like many more, being a little thieve on the roads of London, but, could a girl be a thieve? It would have meant death if she were to be caught, and of course, anyone would run after a girl that stole their bag.

There was the matter of the fear as well. Mrs Lovett, who's name, back then was Nellie, just plain Nellie, had never felt so afraid. She didn't want the attention, the attention she'd sought so long. She was afraid of shadows, of darkness, of men. She'd run away crying whenever she saw a beard that looked like the one of her suitors had had. Or the one her father had. She could still feel his rough lips on her neck and his hands pulling on her skirts.

So she started a new existence, no, not life, it was no life, no life at all.

* * *

Henry stared blankly at the purse he'd just stolen, it was practically as good as it could get, there was some money, and some food too, and a book. He could have sold the book, it would have got him some good money. No, he'd just take it, _she_ had always liked reading. Her father used to read out loud to he- him! She was a him now. Him him him. "_Oh this is just bloody messy_" he groaned.

Nellie Lovett found it quite hard to think of herself as a he.

She could not help but be uncomfortable. She gave an eye to her chest, that was the worst part. Of course she could not pretend to be a boy and go around with her bosom sticking out. She'd took a piece of cloth and tied it on her chest, tight. She thought it would feel better after a while. It didn't. But she was too afraid to take it off, or loosen it a bit.

Her hair hadn't been that easy either. She would not cut it off, it was the last remain of her vanity. Of course, she couldn't go round with her hair crying out to the world her being a woman either. She hid it under a hat she'd found in a bin. Yes, a bin. She was not proud of the life she was living.

So she-_he_ walked down the streets with her hair hidden in the filthy hat, dressed in boy clothes, face covered in smut to cover her feminine features. Henry was a boy.

Henry lived a year and a half. After that. He died.

He died one cold winter morning. He'd seen a lad carrying a bag. A big bag. Too big for him. _He was probably doing him a favour by taking it away_. He chuckled at this thought and approached him with nonchalance. It was easy, he'd done it for uh- too much time to recall. There was no getting it wrong. He approached him and then "accidentally" fell over him, sending his bag on the ground, he then gave the bending-down-to-get-the-bag-lad a push and took the bag and ran. _That was an easy one._ he thought, and kept running. It was a big bag, a heavy bag, wonder what it contained. Whatever it was, it was the end of him.

After something like ten seconds, he saw he wouldn't do it. The lad had got up and was running after him. And he was catching up. _The bag. Oh damn it! The bag_. Probably the biggest he'd ever attempted to steal, definitely the last.

The lad caught up. He grabbed Henry's arm and tugged at him. He glared. He took the bag back. He slapped him.

The hat fell off.

_Damn_.

Henry suddenly died. Nellie was reborn. Nellie was reborn and with her all her fear for men. And she stood there, her arm in his grasp, eyes closed, begging silently for mercy.

_Oh_.

H-hey

You are a girl.

You are _so_ witty!

She released herself from his grip. She put her hands to her back and untied the peace of cloth. She grasped for air. _Finally_.

Oh.

She glared at him, would he please quit staring?

You have a name?

Oh, well yes. I'm Albert, Albert Lovett.

_Ey there, loves!_

_I gotta thank my reviewers... I'd actually decided to leave this a oneshot before I got the reviews.  
So...thanks to :_

_MuchTooHighACost - Awww thankya love.  
Tallica86 - It means a lot to me you like the way I write, expecially since I'm not mothertongue and I'm quite afraid I could stuff the story with grammar errors  
ByTheBeautifulSea - Yes its disgusting that some fathers can be that way.  
LobstersForever - Yay...love it...woah :)  
eyeluv2d - 'Ere ya are, lovee!_

_Free pies for ya all!_

_Please R&R. I really enjoyed writing this chapter._


	3. Life and Death Of Albert Lovett

**Never Love again**.

"I do."

"I… I do."

"Now you can kiss the bride."

Flowers. Rice. Veils. _Oh the bloody dress itches_. Smiles. Faces she doesn't know. Cake. Champaign. "Aren't you just so happy?" "Yes yes, of course". _No I'm bloody not_. Church. Car. Restaurant. "Congratulations!" "Oh thankya, love". _Do I even know you?_

* * *

"Nellie?"

"Yes, love?"

"I _love_ you."

He lied. She knew he lied. He was just trying to keep her from shivering at his side. Oh how she dreaded that moment.

He lay beside her fiddling with her white dress. She could feel his arousal. His hands were bruising on her skin, his breath was fast. She lay there and shivered. She lay on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Its our wedding night."

"I know."

Her voice was little more than a whisper.

He stopped trying. He just took her, like any other man would have, like her father had. She lied under him until he was done, shivering. Her mind drifting away to some other place. _Love making_. That's what they called it. There was no love in what he did, in what men did. No love in her fathers hands wandering on her skin, bruising. No love in Albert's words. Lust. That's what it was all about.

* * *

Albert Lovett died, 5 years later. At his funeral she wore black, she hid her face with a dark veil. Her body shook in what seemed to be sobs. Only she laughed, she laughed her head off.

The day after the funeral "Mrs Lovett's pie shop" was born. "Women should care to cook only for their husbands" she grunted as she smashed on the dough "Women are supposed to look after the house" and she hit the it again "Shut up, woman!" she kept using the rolling pin to violently slam the dough

"**I**" _slam_ "**could**" _slam_ "**have**" _slam_ "**sent**" _slam_ "**you**" _slam_ "**back**" _slam_ "**to**" _slam_ "**the**" _slam_ "**streets**" _slam_ "**I**" _slam_ "**picked**" _slam_ "**you**" _slam_ "**up**" _slam_ "**from!**" She mimicked.

"**You should have bloody well sent me back!**" she screamed and threw the rolling pin on the table, sending dough all over the room.

She let herself drop on the chair beneath the counter. _Ouch_. He was dead, but the bruises he'd left hurt anyway. Oh but he wouldn't have touched her anymore. That…filthy _rat_!

A rat.

She laughed at that. _Ironic_.

He'd died like the filthy animal he was.

She took the rat poison out of the cupboard and threw it in the bin. She wouldn't be needing that anymore.

* * *

_Sorry loves the chapter is so short...and probably seriously crappy... promise it will get better :)_

_Thanks to:  
_Tallica86_ - thanks for reviewing again...let me know if this chapter sucks bad :)  
_InuChan7979_ - Woah...amazing! Why thankyou!  
_MuchTooHighACost_ - here you are, love!_

_Rat poison for who doesn't review! _

_ABloodyWonder_


	4. For Rent

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Never Love again.

* * *

A woman alone takes little space, she discovered. She didn't need the room over her shop anymore, she started renting it out. When she first put the "for rent" sign she went through a few foul experiences. The first man to answer was a large man, with an unctuous attitude and sweaty hands.

About the sweaty hands, she discovered after a few weeks. In an unpleasant way.

The day after, he was out.

Mrs Nellie Lovett was never going to be used again.

She decided to rent it out again only when she realized she couldn't go on without the monbey. She had a shop to keep, meat and ale to buy and the money brought by her few customers was never enough.

The second man was tall and snotty, with a big moustache. He looked like a respectable man, he dressed finely and never tried never tried to have his way with her. She was actually convinced that not all men were liars and non worthy of trust when she found that he was, _filthy liar_. He'd hid a dog in his bag, to get past the "no animals" rule. She found herself sneezing like mad and threw him out. The stupid dog had the time to ruin her best carpet anyway.

The third was a nice man, in love too, so he didn't bother her, he was polite and discrete. He stayed for something like three months, in which Mrs Lovett grew to like him, she brought him breakfast and they chatted politely

He moved out when his mother died, leaving him a big country house.

She actually cried a bit when he left. She didn't hear anymore about him, _probably got married with that girl he liked_. She told herself, she liked to think that maybe someone would get what he desires.

She started thinking that there was something wrong with the room, it was unlucky or something, or maybe it was her. Was she some kind of jinx?

It was a whole month before anyone showed up for the room. It was a sunny day, Mrs Lovett had closed early to go for a walk in the park, it was sunny but there was a pleasant yet cold breeze. When she came back, she found a couple in front of her shop. He was a handsome man with dark hair and a nervous look on his face, she was blonde, tall….and heavily pregnant.

Hello sirs, what can I do for ye?

Ah miss, we were 'ere for the room. Can we please come in? My wife and I have been standing out here all day…

Oh god, I'm so sorry, do come in, Mr and Mrs…

Barker, Benjamin and Lucy barker.

* * *

_'Ere you are, loves!  
So...here's Sweeney! Actually Benjamin Barker at the moment...  
Thanks so much to all the reviewers, you make my day._

_I was really nervous about the last chapter and Im SO happy you enjoyed it, hope you like this one, its quite a filler chapter, I PROMISE the next one will actually have something to it... :)_

_So...thanks to:  
eyeluv2d - aaaw thankya love, happy you enjoyed! Great writer...well...wow, thanksss hugs  
Morwynn - haha, yeah...In his face! I dont like Albert, liked the idea she'd kill him off :)  
PixieDreamer21 - yes it was quite mesed up, I wrote it that wa to show how she probably was scared and confused. I dont think it will turn up to be a Toddett...I got other Toddet oneshots anyway :) hinthint  
LovettsLover - I like your name! Lets make a club-Lovett :)  
Tallica86 - thankya love for always reviewing me, its super of you :) +hugshugshugs  
tearsandeyeliner - happy you liked it, free pies for you!  
Alidragon - hahah, Great Minds...!_

_Bye loves.  
ABloodyWonder_


	5. The Bloody Baby

**Never Love Again.**

The Barkers paid the rent, the Barkers were polite, the Barkers would always stop and say hello and they didn't have animals or strange habits, they were nice neighbours and Mrs Lovett never had anything to scold them for. The Barkers also had a baby. A bloody yelling, screaming, noisy little brat. Mrs Lovett grew to hate the baby with all of herself.

The baby, Johanna it was called, but it only was "the baby" to her, _how can a yelling thing like that deserve a name?_, anyway; the baby was a nightmare. It woke up in the middle of the night._ It_ screamed like a banshee. _It _sent customers away. _It_ kept her awake at night. She did not like _it_.

One night she'd just fallen asleep when she heard the all too familiar screaming. She didn't move, knowing that soon an exhausted Mrs Barker was going to take care of that. But she didn't hear the noise of the lamp being turned on or the tired steps above her or the hushing and singing lightly. No, none of that. She waited for something, anything, or just for the kid to fall asleep. Nothing.

Mrs Lovett got out of bed, grumbled loudly, shoved a night-gown on, took a lamp and headed upstairs. She opened the door slowly, trying to be quiet, _what for? The kid's yelling would cover cannon balls!_ and looked around, covering the lamp to let just a damp light out.

What she saw changed a lifetime's beliefs.

The exhausted Mr and Mrs Barker were lying on the bed, her head lain on his shoulder and his arm covering her, as to protect her.

Mrs Lovett stood there, staring at the two.

So not all men were filthy rats, so not all men were scum, filth, dirt. So she'd been wrong. There could be love, not only lust. A man could told a woman tight without reaching for her skirts, a man could…_care_?

_Mrs Nellie Lovett, stop staring and remember what you came up for! Shut up the god damn kid!_ She scolded herself.

She silently moved to the cradle and took the screaming baby in her arms_. The bloody little thing weighs a ton_! She had no idea how to hold it. Seemed like the baby now screamed louder, if that was even remotely possible.

She sat down, paying attention to not dropping the baby and placed it on her lap, like she'd seen the Barker woman do so many times. She couldn't think of any kind of lullabies, she didn't even recall being sung any.

She could only think of shutting the baby up. So she did, she, in the most melodic and delicate way possible, sang the baby to shut up. She thought of a tune she liked, something that reminded her of ice cream and toffees, and sang over it about the baby having to shut up.

So it did.

And Mrs Lovett sat there, looking down at the sleeping nightmare, that actually looked…cute, when it slept. She decided that, maybe, it did deserve a name after all.

When it was fast asleep she stood up, as slowly as possible and placed the kid-Johanna, in her cradle, tucked the covers over her, and placed the doll on her side.

She turned around and gave the two sleeping adults a look, they truly were worn out. She had black circles around her eyes, he looked like he'd literally fallen asleep next to her. They were both fully dressed and had their hair all over the place. What a nice laugh would have tomorrows next customers, seeing the two.

Yes, because Mrs Barker was a barber, a barber of skill, and he kept his shop in that same room.

Mrs Lovett walked towards the bed, standing near him. He was the first man, the only man she'd known to…love. She bent down and wiped a strand of hair out of his face. She gave the two a last look and then pulled the covers over the pair, walking away silently.

He was the only man she would ever love, and he would never love her back.

A silent tear went down her cheek.

_Sorry loves I didn't update yesterday, but I was having fun at the seaside :) Down by the seaaaa...  
Since the last chapters have been really short, this one's a bit longer.  
Hope you like it!  
There's not much Ben/Nel or much Benjamin at all...but I wanted to keep you waiting!  
haha..I'm so mean!_

_Thanks SO much to all my reviewers:  
_BabyBluewinx_ - Yay! I like Henry too, no rat poison for you, love!  
_PixieDreamer21_ - There probably is gonna be much more of a Ben-Nellie than Sweeney-Nellie...I guess... :)  
_alidragon_ - The cd! I want one toooooooo! (I already know all the songs by heart anyway :D ) I love "Worst pies in London"  
_Tallica86_ - Yep! here he is...and since I like Sweeney Todd a whole lot better than Benjamin Barker, I'll make sure he changes real soon ;)  
_eyeluv2d_ - thanks so much for all the reviews... Hehe...I was counting on writing a chapter per day but I skipped a beat...sorryy!_

_Review me or else...else being a screaming baby Johanna!  
Bye loves!_

_Hope ye like this chapter, cause I really had fun writing it...  
ABloodyWonder_


	6. Broken Glasses

**Never Love Again.**

There were few things Mrs Lovett positively loathed; she disliked quite a lot, tried to ignore too many, liked some, loathed only a couple. She loathed new shoes, they always cut through her feet after a day's work, but she needed shoes never less. Then there were birds, stupid little chirping birds that sang at five o' clock in the morning, reminding her of the work to be done. Then came Mrs Lucy Barker.

She would suppress a groan every time she heard her faint voice or the light brushing of her feet on the floor or, well…anything about her. She'd smile and greet her and bring on some polite conversation. But she loathed her.

She loathed her long, blond, beautiful hair and her big, sweet eyes, she loathed the sound of her laughter and the one of her lullaby singing.

All that loathing probably came parallel to her love for Mr Benjamin Barker, though she'd never admit it.

That night she'd been up to their room, to shut the god damn baby up; that was when she started loathing her. That woman, she had so much, too much, everything that mattered. She'd earned nothing.

That night she stood in front of the mirror in her room, face stained by tear lines. She gave herself a look. She had no beautiful blond hair, she had no delicate goddess-like features. She was not Lucy, she was nothing _near _Lucy.

Surely there was something men had seen in her big brown eyes and curvy figure, surely there was something…pleasant in her. She couldn't see it tonight.

Just like he couldn't see it.

Lucy Barker had it easy, Lucy Barker had it all. She held tightly in her claws all that Nellie had ever wanted. The only man she'd ever wanted, the only man she'd bear having in her bed. The only man whose touch she didn't run. Lucy Barker held him tight to herself, clearly enjoying the view of Nellie's desperate longing. Lucy Barker had never been hurt. She'd never ran in the dark, wished she'd died. Mrs Lucy Barker was happy in her blond stupidity.

"Oh Mrs Lucy!" she screamed desperately at the mirror "pleased. To. Meet you! What a wonderful. Dress. You have! Ain't. The baby. Cute? Oh Mrs Lucy!"

She screamed and shattered the mirror in front of her, throwing things at it, smashing her hands on it. Her rage was soon replaced by sorrow, she'd seen so many times how small the step between the two was. She fell to the ground in sobs, clutching the broken pieces of glass.

* * *

"Ah Mrs Lovett, Nellie! I was ju- _wha_? What happened to your hands?"

"No, nothing, love, Ben, just a little accident."

"It looks bad"

"Its nothing"

He stepped closer to her and held her hands in his, inspecting them. She felt her blood rush to her head, her skin burning.

"They are cut"

"Fell on a broken glass, yesterday night, hope I didn't wake you two up."

"You should put bandages on them"

"It would be quite a match to put bandages on my own hurt hands, should learn to use my feet to do so"

"I can help"

She stood, mute. He took her absence of a reply as a consent.

"Now where do you keep your first aid?"

"First cupboard on the left" she uttered in a shaky, light voice

He took her hand and gently wrapped it with the cloth, and did the same for the other hand. He then gently stroked her palms sending shivers through her.

"Here you are" he said. Looking down into her eyes.

"_Beeeen_? Ben? Where are you, love? You promised you'd go for a walk in the park with us!"

_That awful voice_.

"Coming love!" he screamed back.

"See you later, pet" he said then, looking back at his landlady. Those were the last words she'd ever hear from Benjamin Barker.

_Ey loves! Had some hard time writing this, so please be patient :)  
I'm totally in love with all of the reviewers, you are SO nice!  
So...I don't think I made clear Mrs Lovetts feelings and probably you all think she's acting like a crazy maniac!  
Poor thing, you gotta understand, she had a hard life :P_

_Ok...thanks SO so much to all of my wonderful reviewers. You rock.  
PixieDreamer21 - Here is a bit of Nel/Ben bonding... probably not that much...but I gotta stay in the story...sorryyy!  
Twisted Ingenue - Thanks loveee! I'm totally in love with your fics anyways... :)  
alidragon - Is there something more unnerving than a screaming baby?  
eyeluv2d - e-hug you back! Thanks love for all the support!  
BabyBluewinx - hope this is fast enough! Doing my best sooorreeey!  
LovettsLover - mmmh cupcakes! sweeeeet!  
Tallica86 - girl, I love you, thanks for always reviewing. Teehee...I got the "sleeping-nightmare" from personal experience, my brother is a LOT like that!_

_Hope you enjoy this new crazy and twisted chapter.  
Dont you know that every time you review a Benjamin Barker is sweet to a lovesick Nellie Lovett??_

_love_

_ABloodyWonder_


	7. So He Left

****

Never Love Again.

What came after, she'd known only from other's voice. Lucy's sobs and desperate cries, for one. Foolishness it had been, foolishness indeed. The man was naïve, naïve and pure and simple, and foolish. Foolish enough to marry Lucy. An it was exactly that foolish act that brought to his end.

Had he never married Lucy it wouldn't have happened, had he never lost himself in her beautiful blue eyes, had he never loved that… wretched woman.

He'd still be there, there to keep her from drinking herself to sleep every night, to close the shop, to fall. He'd be there, to hold her, comfort her, save her. But he'd never love her.

Lucy was the cause, she knew. Still she didn't hold back from being the shoulder she cried on, still she was the one that kept her alive, fed her, reminded her of things like eating, sleeping, drinking.

It had been a strange day, the day of the lawsuit. That whimpering little thing, what was left of Lucy Barker, had asked her to come. She was in a state, she'd cried herself out, she had. She was half the woman she used to be, eyes surrounded by a thick black shadow.

She'd tried to pull the woman together, make her somehow decent, hadn't tried that hard, but she'd tried never less. She'd combed the rats nest she had on her head and stuffed her into a dress. She'd given the baby girl a lot more care. She was now all clean and well dressed, with her fat smile on her face. The same could not be said about Lucy, she stared blankly at the floor, eyes wide, her lips tightened together, arms helplessly fallen on her sides.

Mrs Lucy couldn't walk properly, or talk, or even be. So Nellie carried the baby girl in an arm all the way to the tribunal, while holding Lucy with the other arm, afraid she'd run away. She couldn't leave, she could not _let_ her leave, she owed Benjamin that, to see his wife a last time.

They didn't let them in. "_The baby_" was their excuse. They stood out of the tribunal doors, leaning near so they could hear what was going on, they heard nothing, but tried all the same. Finally the doors slammed open.

There was a crowd, and officers, and judges and deputies, and in the middle stood Benjamin Barker.

Lucy didn't reach in the crowd to look at him, to touch him, to kiss him. No, she stood still, on the spot. She raised her eyes, wide with sorrow, and stood.

Mrs Lovett ran in the crowd, she pushed and stomped and yelled. But still, when she reached for Benjamin, tugged at his sleeve, begged for him to look down, he didn't. He stood, silently, death in his eyes, searching in the crowd for a blond, beautiful woman, carrying a cradle with a beautiful blond child. There was no such woman.

Mr and Mrs Barker died that very moment, as the officers pushed him and shoved him so he would move, walk to the boat that awaited him. Foolish. Foolish and condemned.

Mrs Nellie Lovett stood. She stood still, eyes too dry to cry, heart to empty to feel grief. She stood, perfectly straight in the crowd, staring in front of her, still, her face emotionless, she wanted to fall to the ground and sob, she wanted to run after the man she loved, hand stretched forward as to reach for him, she wanted to faint. No, nothing. She stood, paralized, hollow.

She stood on the spot, her eyes glued on the ship that left, as the crowd shoved and turned to leave, she stood. Her lips alone moved, slightly, so no one would see, or hear. She sang.

_There was a barber and his wife._

_And he was beautiful_

_A proper artist with the knife, but they transported him for life._

_And he was beautiful._

_Barker his name was, Benjamin Barker. _

_A foolish barber, you see?_

_Foolish yes indeed._

_So he crossed a man,_

_Crossed a man of power._

_And so he was locked in a tower,_

_Sent for sea in less than an hour._

_Poor thing_

_Poor man._

_Poor Ben._

* * *

_Ok, loves. I'm really fed up with this chapter. I hate it.  
I have gone through it something like...a dozen times and still don't like it.  
GRRRR._

_Anyways...you see? Original lyrics...teeheee... to go with the song "Poor thing", to me they sound right, but its probably just me trying to make them sound right in my head...!_

_I am in LOVE with all the reviewers. You totally make my day. Please be horrible and mean about this last chapter, cuz I hate it :)_

_Sooooh...thanks to:  
Twisted Ingenue - thanks so much for the review, hope you wont dislike this chapter too much! :o)  
tearsandeyeliner - glad you like it hugs  
Morwynn - haha, you are SO right, I quite loathe the woman... groar  
Malsie - thanks so much, love. Hope you enjoy...  
BabyBluewinx - haha, guess I've KIND OF killed her off :P  
eyeluv2d - Hope this chapter is worse than the lest one and the one beforeee!  
Tallica86 - I NEED that t-shirt! Yaay Mrs Lovett!  
LovettsLover - I'm planning something to spice up these long 15 years, you just wait! haha  
SakuraLeeChan - 'Ere it is...enjoy!_

_Mmmh... since I got no many Lucy lovers (not)... Every time you review a Lucy Barker gets called -a stupid blond-  
:)_

_Bye loves!  
ABloodyWonder_


	8. First Words

**Never Love Again.**

Mrs Lucy Barker was no good mother anymore, she didn't care for the baby, she didn't bother to stop her helpless weeping. She deserved what she got: to not be there to hear her first word.

All Lucy was ever to hear from her baby were cries, which she mixed to her own useless sobs, pitying her own self more than the barber that was now burning in the Devils island for her sake, for her love.

Mrs Nellie Lovett very much wanted to creep up in her room, seize her by her shoulders, roughly shake her out of her stupid sobbing. How could she not see? The selfish woman… _Bloody, stupid woman_, she groaned to no one in particular, eying the ceiling and stopping to pretend she was reading the book on her lap, while she was thinking of the miserable fate of a barber. No, not _a_ barber, _the_ barber, _her_ barber. No, not hers, never hers.

That… Lucy woman, she had stolen him from her. But the fates provided that there would be something she'd steal from her, the fates, and Judge Turpin.

She'd steal a moment, a _something_, from the woman that had stole everything that she'd ever wanted.

For that, of course, was to thank the honourable Judge Turpin. Who'd take Lucy from her tower and throw her down, into the streets. "_Poor little Rapunzel_" Mrs Lovett would then say in a chuckle.

* * *

It had been a peculiar way, the one the destiny had decided to use to free her from Lucy. It had come on a hot summer night, it was dressed like the beadle. So the fate took her and brought her away. It got her drunk, it got her raped. It sent her through the streets, begging and whoring herself.

It had been quite a night, she recalled. It was bleeding hot, she stood on the couch, fanning herself with the pages of a recipe-book that had fallen apart, while gently rocking the cradle with the quiet-but-not-for-long kid inside. She hummed a lullaby and started singing over it with her best singing voice, that had improved ever so much since she had to sing the girl to sleep every night. Her melodious singing was interrupted by the loud noise of a persisting knocking on her front door. She got up from the couch and headed to the door, still rocking the baby's sleep, the last thing she needed now was the damned kid to start yelling!

"_What may I do for you, sir? As you see, my shop is closed_" she said without even glancing at the man standing on the door.

"_I'm here to talk to Mrs Lucy…Barker._" Said the unctuous man standing in front of her, a plump, short man, with quite mouse-like features. He hesitated before saying the surname, Mrs Lovett noticed.

"_Ah, beadle! Do come in_" she said in slight disgust "_I'm_ _afraid though that Mrs Barker won't be in the condition to receive you_"

She received him anyway, she was in a state but that was no news, she didn't even bother changing. She followed him silently, the beadle holding her arm with his sweaty hands and dragging her to the Turpin mansion. All it took was "_The judge is all contrite, blames himself for your dreadful plight_" and she'd followed.

She'd come back. Later. Much later. Her dress falling to shreds, her breath smelling of blood and alcohol. The story, she had to guess it, mostly, because the woman was in no condition to talk properly, and never would be, after that night.

She'd tried to take her life, that selfish, little, stupid thing, and hadn't even managed to do that. She had succeeded only in throwing herself away, out of Lucy Barker and into the shattered rags of a beggar.

Leaving a year old kid.

The kid would go too, but for her, Mrs Lovett would fight much more.

"_No no no! Not the child, she is mine, she is mine. Don't_"

But they'd taken her anyway.

* * *

But, in the end, there _was_ something Nellie stole from her, a moment of pure joy, delight. A word. A sweet little word uttered by a tiny mouth.

"_Nel-lie_!" the girl had said.

"_Nell-iee_" spoke little Johanna.

_In your face, Lucy Barker._ She chuckled lightly.

* * *

_Ook, loves...It took me an awful lot to write this chapter, messy as it is.  
I'm sorry I didn't describe anything that happened that much, I was trying to write from Nellie's point of view :)  
Its quite messy, and the facts appear without following a time-wise order...  
anyways...hope you enjoy!_

_It might be some terrible crap, I'm sorry, Its latelatelate here and I'm falling asleep on the keyboard.  
Please don't loath me for this :P_

_Ok...since the last chap was REAL bad, I'm going to give out cookies to those who reviewed anyway!  
Thanks so much to:  
Malsie - yes, poor things, I'm such a meany :)  
eyeluv2d - thanksthankthanks for all the great reviews...'Ere you are, lovee  
BabyBluewinx - I'm so sorry...I guess I'm gonna stick to the actual story... Though I'd like it a lot better all Sweenett and stuff :)  
Tallica86 - Ok, girl...you made me the happiest writer on fanfic :) I'm do happy you liked the song bit.. i tried hard to make it fit with the actual song, thankyouuuuuu_

_Guess I'm gonna go. Enjoy!  
Don't you know that every time you review a baby Johanna's first word is "Nellie"?_

_Bye Loves!  
ABloodyWonder_


	9. A Woman Alone

**Never Love Again.**

_Come think about it, woman_, Nellie Lovett told herself, _Albert's gone, Lucy's gone, lil' babe Johanna's gone… Ben, Ben is gone. You are alone_. But she was not going to sulk, was she? Although…

She was. Thoroughly, completely, totally alone.

Again. Like back then in the streets, only that now, if she went back, it would not be as a street boy. She was much to old and womanly for that. She shivered, what would she be if she went back?

She suppressed a sob whilst thinking of the possibility. _No!_

She hardly knew why to get out of bed in the morning, why bother? But she did never less. She walked with her arm stretching for the wall, as if she was going to fall.

_Pull__ yourself together, woman!_

_Why should I?_

_Just do it._

So she did. She took her time to get ready, _no one there waiting anyway_, and wandered through the living room. She wandered through the whole house, with a big empty bag that slowly started getting fuller, and fuller, and fuller.

"Junk!" Mrs Lovett said as picking objects off shelves and cupboards "Junk!" she said picking up things that were never useful "Junk!" picking up things that she would never need anymore "Junk!"

She shoved it all in the bag and headed upstairs. "_Plenty of junk!_" she said while looking through Lucy's things. "_Junk…too_" she said looking at Benjamin's. But she couldn't bring herself to touch it, any of it.

_Damn, woman!_

_Oh just shut up._

There was plenty of junk anyway, she brought the now very full and heavy bag down the stairs. She'd never noticed how…stupid the things around her were, how she'd lived drowning in inutile items.

Mrs Lovett was always a practical, eminently practical woman. She needed a way to make a living, she found the way. She needed money to run the shop, buy the meat, she was going to get it.

She slammed the bag on her bed and started pulling things out, dividing them in junk-junk and money-junk. She then divided the junk-junk pile in two other smaller ones. The burnable junk and the one that would just make a lot of smell. _Yes, eminently practical_, she giggled to herself.

She walked hurriedly out of her shop, into the rich quarters, she would find someone to buy her junk, she knew, she'd done this before, when _dear _Albert would leave her to herself, to care for the shop, penniless. She'd find it extremely relaxing to go out and sell his things.

When she'd sold a reasonable amount of junk, she headed for the butcher's. She came back with two bags, one filled with the remains of the junk, one filled with raw meat.

She arrived home and threw the bags on the counter. She stared around, at the empty shelves. She gave out a sigh.

"_Times is hard, for a woman alone, that is._"

* * *

_'Ello loves. Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I'm gonna try writing two chaps today, forgive meee!  
Point two, sorry this chapter is short, its a filler, nothing really happenes at all, does it?_

_Wow! I'm SO near to 50 reviews! wooohooooo! The fiftieth reviewer gets cookies!  
You may have noticed that Mrs Nellie Lovett often talks to herself... sorry, can't help it...Its TOO damn funny!_

_there's a weird thing...I got 1437 hits and 46 reviews... you 1391 nonreviewers get hit on the head with a rolling pin!  
Naaah...just kidding sais while holding the pin behind her back_

_Kisses to all my reviewers:  
tearsandeyeliner - thankyou loveee! I was worried it had gotten a bit too messy  
eyeluv2d - I am in LOVE with you! haha. Thanks soo much for the wonderful reviews, yup...he is. I dont like Benjamin Barker...or Lucy...I LOVE SWEENEY!  
alidragon - haha...Its a great obsesion! I walk to school every morning with the sweeney soundtrack!  
Morwynn - yup..it is. Did I EVER mention how much i dislike Lucy?  
BabyBluewinx - kay, because you like Johanna so much...I guess the next chapter could...possibly...uhm...You'll see!  
Malsie - haha! I loved it too! I actually said it at the cinema while seeing the movie, they all turned to look at me!_

_Thatks to all of you loves! Every time you review you make a crazy mind (namely ME) want to write another chapter!_

_Love,  
ABloodyWonder_


	10. That Time Of The Year

**Never Love Again.**

Routine. Routine and nothing more, slam the dough, roll the dough, grind the meat, serve the pies, attend the customers, smile. It was all routine. She did it automatically, robot-like, she didn't even need to think.

And that was not a nice thing, it meant she had time to think of…other stories, other times, other people, people who would never come back, dead, kidnapped, crazy, transported. No, they'd never be back. So, not needing to think about her actions, she pondered, she brooded, she wept, silently, at night.

That was when she decided that, maybe, somehow, she could get them back, a tiny glimpse of them at least.

_Where did I put the goddamned picture?_ She asked herself while rummaging into her deceased husband's things. _Must be somewhere 'ere…_

And it was. So now Albert Lovett was back, hanging in a picture frame on the wall. It was not like she really wanted back, but it was a great stress-relief to have something to glare at.

The others would be a lot more tricky to get back. She sighed.

* * *

_Lucy_, she whispered, eying the miserable woman before her. Blonde hair gone grey, deep eyes glimmered in madness. Her dress torn to filthy, tattered rags, along with her dignity. She begged and whored herself on the streets, selling her body for not much more than a penny. Her once beautiful features were now completely shadowed, obscured by her life on the streets, her wretched existence.

She stared at her from a distance_, _most certainly she didn't miss that woman?! That woman she'd hated with all her soul… Did she _pity_ her?

She walked across the street, paying poor attention to the carriage that avoided her narrowly, she reached for her arm and tugged slightly so she'd face her.

_Ma'am? Alms?_

_No._

_No alms?_

_No…yes! 'Ere you are…_

And she handed her a handful of coins, turning around to get away. She stopped.

"_Cant be_" But it was. It most certainly was.

On the other side of the street was a little blonde, fat thing, a weeping, cross thing. In a cradle. Behind her, stood the judge.

"_Johanna_" she whispered in disbelief. "_Johanna…_"

So on that road, in the same moment stood the mother, the kidnapper, the one who took care of her… and the baby. And they stared at each other without a word. But of course, one was a baby, the other didn't remember a thing. So the judge and the baker stood, paralyzed. And the crazed mother cried for alms. And the infant cried for--whatever babies cry for.

* * *

It was that time of the year again, she smiled. Every year, this time of the year.

She marched out of her home, flipped the sign to closed, smiled. Yes, today she smiled, because it was that time of the year, that day. Today.

She marched out of home and into the rich quarters, smiling, humming to herself. Then she stood, she stopped in front of a house, bigger, far bigger than her own, damask and dark.

She raised her eyes to the top window, smiling still. Her eyes met with another's , belonging to a pale little girl standing by the window, her hands on the glass, her face stuck to it, so that her breath left a stain on it.

Mrs Lovett blinked back her tears. "_Hey baby_" she whispered.

_I feel you, Johanna  
I feel you..._

I was half convinced I'd waken,  
Satisfied enough to dream you.  
Happily I was mistaken,  
Johanna...

I'll steal you, Johanna  
I'll steal you...

Do they think that walls could hide you?  
Even now, I'm at your window.  
I am in the dark beside you...  
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair!

I feel you, Johanna!  
And one day I'll steal you!  
Til I'm with you then,  
I'm with you there!  
Sweetly buried in your yellow hair...!

_Johanna…_

And then she walked off, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, still smiling. And the seven year old girl watched her go, eyes locked to the back of her head, and let her hands fall down the surface of the window with a light sigh.

So now Nellie Lovett had broken her vow...she'd loved again.

* * *

_Heey! I promised two chappies today...so...:)  
I really loved writing this chapter...so, please, illude me...be nice!  
Since BabyBluewinx, loyal reviewer, had BEGGED for some Johanna-Nellie I put some in :P  
Blame HER!_

_Rek-umpf! I got an announcement. Ladies and Gentleman, may I have your attention pleasee?  
I got more that 50 reviews! Yippieeee! hahaha_

_Yay to all of my readers!  
Thanks so much for the reviews:  
Tallica86 - -- This girl reviewed me since my first chappie... I LOVE YOU! Thanksssssss. Yup...Mrs Lovett is tough :)  
dahiliax - thank you lovee!  
eyeluv2d - and that's exactly what she did! hehe... Guess she didn't throw ALL of Lucy's things away...as you'll see in the next chappie!_

_Thanks SO much again dances around for the 50 reviews  
Every time you review a broken Nellie gets to love again!_

_Love  
ABloodyWonder_


	11. Of Dresses and Scent

**Never Love Again.**

The nights were always the worst. In the night no one could keep her from brooding. In the night, after she'd cleaned after every last costumer, she'd walk up the stairs that led to the second floor, she'd open the door slightly, and breathe.

She'd just stand there, on the barely open door, and breathe, she could still feel the sweet scent of the barber. She'd keep the door nearly closed, so it would never be dispersed. Then she'd step in and find herself immerged in the sweet scent, _his_ sweet scent.

She came to have the same scent of the room, or maybe it was the room that took her scent, she'd sleep there, sometimes, or just lovingly caress everything that would remind her of him.

She'd gone through all of his things, passed her hands gently over them, sighed. She came to know every single object in the room, but she'd never move anything…she wanted him to find the things like they were, when he'd come back. Because he would come back, he had to.

_What when he comes?_ She kept asking herself, _what when he comes?_

She'd let him in, she'd make him see how she loved him, how that wretched Lucy could never love him like her. What after that? Could she _make_ him love her? Did she even want him to love her because he _had_ to?

But then…_What if he doesn't come?_

She knew she'd wait…and wait…and wait forever. He had forever to come. But what if he didn't? If he didn't come in forever? Well, she'd probably die, but she'd still die if he came. Forever was a long time.

She sighed.

* * *

That night, when she walked in, there was no scent, no beautiful barber-shop scent, _where is it?_ She stepped straight into the room, closing the door shut behind her. _Where is it?_ She wandered through the room, _Where? Where is it?_ She stopped. _Its gone… its all gone! Its my fault…left the door open…the window open? Where is it?!_

She felt as if every last energy had been drained from her. _Oh…_ But she pulled herself together, practical, she was a practical woman. _There mus' be some in tha' closets…in tha' wardrobe!_

She ran for the wardrobe, slammed it open. And stopped. Yes, his scent was back. It was all back. But there was something else. Look at all those dresses. She couldn't hold back a hand from touching the silky material. She smiled as an idea crept viciously into her mind.

She didn't want poor Mr Barker stuck brooding about his poor wife…clutching at her dresses, weeping his eyes out? Oh no! How could she leave him to suffer that way.

But of course, he wouldn't fancy the idea of having her wearing his deceased, yes, deceased, she'd decided that she'd tell him she was dead…anyway…his deceased wife's clothing, would he?

Nothing a little needle and thread couldn't fix though!

She smiled broadly as she trod down the stairs, carrying down as much dresses as she could manage. She sang joyfully to herself.

_Guess Mrs Barker won't be too much bothered!_

* * *

_'Ere loves! I've written this after seeing the movie, again... and it probably is just a piece of senseless blabbering, cuz its late and I'm falling apart.  
Plus today I'm pissed, cuz my parents are pissed. So we are all SO pissed..._

_Please make me happy with reviews?  
Hope you enjoy this chappie, cuz I like it (this is RARE)... Reviewers get to chose from Lucy's wardrobe!_

_'Niways...thanks to:  
Morwynn - You guys read her fic "Sex and Chocolate"? Its great! (here luv, free advertising :) )  
Tallica86 - Yup! Fat old Albert hed to come back haunt her in some way...  
BabyBluewinx - Since no one badly scolded me for the Nellie-Johanna thing, guess it was a good idea...thanksssss  
eyeluv2d - hahahah...its trueee! Hoped I didn't sound too pretentuous on that one but then I was like...whatevaah!  
PixieDreamer21 - me neither! I dont actually have a plot...its just coming up in pieces :)_

_G' night loves_

_ABloodyWonder_

* * *


	12. Like Mama Would Do

****

Never Love Again.

Mrs Lovett looked, sounded, was a lot like her mother. They'd always told her. She'd always said no. She would never be like her mother. She'd never _want_ to be. But there were a few things in which they'd been alike, she could accept that. _Maybe_. Mrs Lovett's mother always seemed to be sorting things in piles when Nellie was just a kid. She'd taken after her, in that. It was practical.

So Mrs Lovett had made two piles, one of the clothes she'd keep, the other, of the ones she'd sell. She'd seen that she couldn't go on buying the meat only with the junk she'd collected, and the shop's intake wasn't enough, this would do, for a while, at least.

She knew the woman had a lot of dresses, beautiful, immaculate dresses, but she'd never thought they could be that many. Ben was never rich, never had much money to throw away, but still he couldn't resist the view of that little trophy-wife of his fussing over a new dress. Of course, this had only contributed in making the baker downstairs less jealous…or miserable.

_Did the bloody woman change dress every day of the month?!_ The wardrobe was stuffed. _Spoiled brat. Oh well…that's only going to do good now! _She'd taken for herself three or four dresses, the rest were to be sold. She did need a lot of money…

Thank god she'd taken that practical side from her mother. Nellie Lovett was not one to let herself die of hunger. She'd survived the streets, hadn't she?

Her mother was a practical woman, she remembered, she'd pile things, she'd sell old, forgotten items, she'd put patches on old clothing. Her father had never liked, or approved, any of it, he'd been a rich, wealthy man for all his life, he'd married a poor girl, with all the practicality that came automatically with it. So Nellie had learnt to be practical, she'd learnt to cook, sew, clean.

_Like mama would do_, she grunted as she sewed through the dresses, adding layers of material, removing some, adding laces or ribbons.

She didn't hold pleasant memories of her mother, other than her being an eminently practical woman, she only could recall her severe look and calloused hands.

* * *

"_Mum! Mum!" a little girl with __bouncy curls had cried excitedl._

"_Wha?" the older woman merely grunted in reply._

"_Made biscuits, I did!" she giggled, holding up a tray of burnt biscuits up to her mother. A hopeful look on her face._

"_I can see that" said the woman looking down at the tray._

"_Try one!" she smiled adorably, her big brown eyes sparkling. "please?"_

"_I'll pass"_

"_But…"_

"_Nell!"_

"_Al' right mum." Said the girl walking away._

_And she slammed the whole tray's content in the nearest bin._

* * *

"Ouch!" She stopped herself from swearing badly and sucked at her bleeding finger "bloody needle". She'd got way too carried away with all the bloody memories. And her-mother-correlated memories were never pleasant ones, and she always came out of those with a killer-mood. But the killer-mood seemed to do her sewing some good, she'd actually furiously finished the dress in a flash.

She wore that same dress the day she'd bless and curse for the days to come. The day she'd get back all she ever wanted to have, and loose it at the same time. The day Benjamin barker would knock at her door, but still it wouldn't be him. The day she'd discover how far she'd go for the man she loved.

That day, the room upstairs was filed again, but the scent wasn't the same, like the man wasn't.

That day, Sweeney Todd was back. No, not back, Sweeney Todd had never been there, that Barker fool had, but he was gone. _It was Todd, Sweeney Todd now._

And he was back, finally back from the dead.

* * *

_Eeeey loves!  
Sooo sorry I didn't update yesterdaaay! I'm having school troubles, had to study... (any of you ever tried to study ANCIENT GREEK? ggh)_

_I am TOTALLY in love with all of you, I wake up evry morning 5 minutes before just to check out your reviews! (how sad is that?)  
This chappie was a mess to put together... and probably to read too... forgive meeh!_

_'K thanks So much to:  
__BabyBluewinx - Yaaay! I kind of figure I put the whole dress thig cuz I am IN LOVE with all of the costmes  
eyeluv2d - so...tadaaah! here he is!  
Morwynn - Times is hard, times is Haaaaard! (Btw...I am in luv with Sex&Chocolate...where's my next chapter?) :)  
LovettsLover - nuuuh! She is not 17...she's 7... well..now, in THIS chappie...she is 15.  
Tallica86 - No prob, love! I only review what I like VERY much...so :) Haha, here he is! Tadaaah  
tearsandeyeliner - got so many of you asking that...here he is...next chappie he's gonna actually BE there, dont wory!_

_Every time you review a long lost love comes back :)  
Bye loveees!  
ABloodyWonder_


	13. The Demon

**Never Love Again.**

Oh she knew who he was, she'd known since seconds after his appearance in her shop. She knew, of course, she'd been waiting.  
She knew that someday _he_ would come back, she didn't know when, or how, but she'd take him. When she saw him there she instantly saw how they'd both changed, those gloomy eyes and half frowns. They'd grown alike. "So it is you, Benjamin Barker!" she hadn't expected him to say so. There was no more Benjamin Barker in there. But what she saw, well...she liked it much more.

Sweeney Todd.

"Sweeney Todd" she whispered to herself, rolling the words in her mouth, she liked the sound of it. So perfectly gloomy.

"Where is Lucy? Where is my wife?"

_Oh no. Oh bloody no._ Not her! Not again! _Not him too, you had Ben, you bloody bitch, you had Ben! Not him too_. She was not going to take him away from her…again. She didn't deserve him, she never deserved him.

So she lied, lied by omission but lied nevertheless. But, come look at it… Lucy _had_ died, she'd died with Benjamin Barker, those two, light, bright souls had been buried together. But now, now she was there, he was there. _They_ were there. _They_ were. Or were they? Could it ever be "us"? Were _they_ ever going to be?

She got an answer to that pretty quick, when he gave his newly found razors the look he was supposed to giver her. The bloody lames. Bloody, bloody lames. Oh well…she didn't yet know how bloody those lames could, would actually get. Perhaps she was happy not knowing.

She loved him, she did. From the first second he walked into the door. She loved him. He set her blood aflame. She could feel her own blood burst through her veins, he was to be the only man she could love. The only man she would trust. The only man she would ever trust to let into her bed. But still…Lucy. "_Where is Lucy? Where is my wife?_". Why? Oh how could he not long for her--any woman's touch? How could he not take her, willing as she was? Why not even fifteen years in hell, without a single woman, could make him long for her as she longed for him?

They simply couldn't. And he proved that pretty well.

"Leave me."

Leave me? Had she even heard correctly? Ben would have never—but again. Ben was dead. So she did, she obliged. And it would be the first of a long series.

So she'd never have him, bound to his crazed wife. He'd told her that quite clearly, unspoken words he'd told her with a glance. _She would never be with him._

* * *

Oh but never trust first impressions, she'd then giggle to herself. And she was right. He took her. Unwillingly, unlovingly. But he did. Out of lust and grief. His hollow soul needed no companion, but his lustful body did. Fifteen years in hell. Demons, too, have certain needs, in the end.

Twice, he took her.

Twice. And two times the demon had been disgusted by the weakness of his body, how he would bend to his own desire, how _she_ would bend him. He despised her. No, he didn't despise her. She was to be a marginal character, a tool. She was meant to be a nothing. And yet she bent him to his desire. She made him weak. _Like any woman would_, he told himself. But again, no. And he knew it. There had been women on the devil's island. Brutal, manly woman, sunburnt and hardened. But women. And they'd never, ever had such an effect on him.

So, twice he'd given in to his, and her, desire.

Oh but she'd never got through him, she never got him going soft. She was for the use of his body, no more. He was a demon, after all. A demon born from the cruelty of men, by the unctuous lies of men, from the lashings and the sun and the sweat. He was born from pain. He was pain. And anger. And where his body would bend to carnal desires, his mind would remain firm to his vengeance.

Or at least, he thought so. For there is an unbreakable bond between mind and body. A connection that would then prove him wrong. For there is a moment, when the body is satisfied from its needs, in which the mind goes blank.

And in that blankness, he'd finally find…peace.

* * *

_SORRYSORRYSORRYSORYsoorryyy for taking SO long.  
I've been having troubles with school... and I've been ill.  
I am EVER so sorry.  
So, to get you to love me again...I decided that maybe the rating could go up on the next two chappies.. hinthint  
I hope you enjoy this chappie. Its quite a filler... fun coming in the next.. Which will be SON, I promise!_

_I love you all to bits, please forgive me. )  
Soooo... thanks to:  
Morwynn - I'm having troubles with school too... I understand :) haha I was like... Lucy's got all those great dresses... guess she doesnt need them thoigh! hmmmm...  
Tallica86 - Sowwy luv, took me WAY too long. I'm happy having him back too... He's such a great character! Enjoy!  
BabyBluewinx - umm...her father was wealthy, her mum was not, her mum died and her father raped her, so she ran away... :(  
eyeluv2d - aww luv, soosoo sorry it tok me so long... I love you for all the wonderful reviews... I hope I can fit other childhood-flashes in there someway!  
LovettsLover - haha and I lovett you.  
tearsandeyeliner - yup! We are finally getting to the "M" rated parts in the next chappie... hmmmm  
xpunkiex - aw thankya! Hope you keep on reading... and reviwing! :) _

_So...thanks thanks thanks and sorry sorry sorry.  
You know that every time you review a Mr Todd finds peace in a Mrs Lovett?_

_bye luves.. hope I can get out the next chap tonight...doubt it...  
kisseees  
ABloodyWonder_


	14. Too Much For A Poor Man To Handle

**Never Love Again.  
**(warning. SMUT. If you are squeamish to smut you can skip this chappie and the next... it should not influence the story much)

It had happened all together. The judge, Anthony, Mrs Lovett… the plan. Brilliant plan, it was. Brilliant indeed, practical. Like its thinker. Practical his little baker was… practical indeed.

He paced. And thought. But that was not something new. He always paced and thought. Just that tonight was not normal. Like today hadn't been. The judge, yes. It had been the judge first. _No!_ Pirelli, it was the damn mountebank, him first. Then the judge, bloody judge. So near, so bloody damn near. _Wait_, the wench had said! _Wait!_ And so he had done! He'd waited! Like the damn fool, naïve barber he was. He'd listened to the woman. And he'd escaped. He'd fled from his claws, disappeared in thin air, he had!

Curse the sailor, it had been the sailor, his fault! He'd broken in, he'd interrupted. He'd ruined it all! He'd taken his vengeance! Oh the sailor had to die. And Mrs Lovett. Mrs Lovett too, she had to go. But then… He needed her.

Needed her even more now. After the great idea she'd had. Brilliant, brilliant idea. How would have anyone –anyone?- connected pie baking and murdering? And yet she had. Bloody wonder, she was. And this would sate his bloodlust. His burning, aching bloodlust. That bloodlust that drove him mad, that made him quiver, that made him pace at night, that didn't let him sleep, didn't let him _be_.

Oh, but that would be sated now. He had no need to be pacing, to stay awake. He was sated. But yet he was still pacing, still wandering. He was still _awake_. Why was he still awake? It was not his bloodlust that drove him now, not anymore. It was something beyond that. Aching, throbbing, killing…lust.

_The damned baker!_

Her fault. Her vicious little fingers sliding up his back, gripping on his shoulder. Her skirts fluttering, covering his shoes too, showing how close she really was. Her…body. Her body pushed near his as they danced, so close. So _warm_.

She was warm. Warm against his coldness. Her fingers on his back sent little hot waves though his body, slowly melting the ice he'd closed himself into.

She was close. Close as they danced in the kitchen, not caring if the folk saw…if anyone saw. As they twirled through the room. She was so close. Holding her body against his, her big brown eyes staring up into his, black and cold. And he stared back. He noticed…her. He noticed the way her smile spread up to her eyes, the way her hips swung slightly as she walked or danced. The way that he, so close, from his height, could see more of her bosom than he was probably meant to.

He slammed himself in the chair. _Damnit! Damn it all!_ He had to think straight, like the hell-bent creature he was, a demon! The demon barber. He needed no distractions. He had to stay focused, focused on his revenge. The judge. The bloody Judge. He escaped you. You've got to get him back. You've got to focus! Think of the damn judge! Control yourself, will you? Forget the throbbing pain in your lower body! Forget the fact your trousers seem to have grown too small.

But of course he couldn't forget _that_. Oh no.

And he had to find a way of soothing that sensation. He found it.

* * *

Mrs Lovett lay on her bed. Eyes opened, staring at the ceiling. Some would think it was the pacing that kept her up. They would be wrong. She'd grown accustomed to the pacing, it lulled her to sleep. No. It was the complete lack of pacing—the sweet, rhythmical sound of his steps above her that kept her awake. _Not good_.

She tugged lightly at her comforter. It was cold in the room. _Damn the bloody English weather_. And damn _her _for being such a good bed-maker. The comforter was too well tucked in. She could hardly cover herself with it. Something sent a shiver through her. But it wasn't the cold.

In the dark, the total obscurity of the room, in the black, a hand reached for her softly.

She turned frantically to face the faceless aggressor. But she did not utter a word. His hands. So cold and yet so pleasing, swiftly slid up and down her arm, barely touching her, and yet sending shivers through her spine.

"Mista' T? Is that you?"

"No need to speak, my pet" a husky voice replied.

"Wha- What you doing?"

He grunted in reply. He didn't want her to speak through this. She spoke way too much already.

"Mista' T!" she half-shrieked as his hand came to reach up to the neckline of her sleeping gown, his fingers skilfully sliding underneath, reaching down to free her shoulder.

"Shut. Up." He barked. "you want this…Oh bloody hell you do want this. And if I hear another sound this will be over faster than you can realize" he warned in his usual monotone, his voice only slightly deeper than usual, like an animalistic growl.

She got the message. Oh hell…she _did_ want it. She let herself sink further into the soft cushion, her neck and back relaxing and tightening under his touch.

As the dress went down under his hands he lowered his head to feel her bare skin, her white, untouched, warm skin. He leant down and softly kissed her now bare shoulder. As his other hand reached to repeat the operation on the other side, his attentions slid to her long, delicate neck. He sucked an nibbled at her skin, nicking It lightly, leaving a trail of flushed skin after him as he slid upwards. He reached for her lips.

She shivered seeing him, his beautiful features on top of her, she leant in for the kiss, oh how she'd yearned for it. All. Those. Years.

He smashed his lips powerfully on hers, bruising, as he tore the nightgown from her body. There was no gentleness in his actions. Pure need, pure lust. His lips pushed on hers, his tongue searching for an entrance. The gasp she gave as he lowered his hands to cup her breasts did the trick, and he let his tongue slid freely in her mouth.

He tore away just to smash back in, his hands wandering up and sown her now free upper body. She gave in to him spontaneously this time, kissing him back with the same passion.

Her hands went for his shirt, lingering on his hardened chest for a moment before mercilessly tugging on his buttons, setting him free. He tore away once again and she gave a little whimper, he stared at her. Beautiful, she was. So pale and bare in front of him. He dived down and let his hands and lips collide with her breasts. Sucking at her beautiful paleness.

The rest of her clothing was torn away, leaving her completely bare and sweating in his arms. He slid down, down, and downer still. He let his lips and tongue linger on her belly button and then slid slowly down, where his attentions were most needed. His hands anticipated him, they slipped through her thighs and pulled them slightly apart.

Now a gentleman would have bent up and looked into her eyes, waiting for approval. Mr Sweeney Todd was no gentleman. He dived into her wetness, licking and sucking at her fluids, his tongue mercilessly torturing her.

She could hold it no longer. She needed him. Badly. She reached down through moans and grabbed at his mane of hair, pulling him upwards, to reach for her mouth. She kissed him fiercely, biting at his downer lip, at his tongue.

"Take me" she whispered hoarsely in his ear, her hot breath ticking him. It was an order.

He obliged, with very much enthusiasm if I may say so.

He reached for his buttons and swiftly unbuttoned them, slipping out of that torturing machine his trousers had become. He slid down, so his head was buried in her chest and his cock brushed her slightly. Mr Sweeney Todd would have very happily been a gentleman then, he meant to look up for approval. But his body wasn't of the same idea. He trust in her with all his strength. Reaching up in her where no one had been.

She hissed sharply in pain. But fast the pain was overwhelmed by pleasure. Red, hot pleasure she couldn't believe came from this man. She rocked with him, steady where he was frantic, easing him down as he rushed inside her. Her hands slipped down and gripped at his buttocks, pushing him in her. And, in a wave of hot, white pleasure, she came. And he rode her waves and came himself, collapsing over her, his mind blank.

Blank.

Blank. No vengeance. No grief. White, hot pleasure.

He slid beside her in a last moment of lucidity and then fell in a wonderful, dreamless sleep.

* * *

She lay beside him, curled up tightly beside his unmoving body. Her heart rushed, her breathing was ragged. She brought herself near to the sleeping man, yearning the feeling of his white skin against hers. She brought a hand into his mane, holding him close. And fell asleep.

* * *

_Wow. This is the longest thing I've ever written... at least...for non-school purposes...  
Telll me if itts...um...too much...  
I was planning on writing a second chappie lke this. On the second and last night (haha I'm so mean!)_

_Please please please review cuz Its my first try at smut and I need to know if I sucked.  
Thanks to all of meh beautiful readers.  
Thanks so much to my faaast reviewers who already commented my last chappie... which went out like... 30 mins ago!_

_Thanks SO much to:  
tearsandeyeliner - here is the "next" :) hope you enjoy...please tell me what you think!  
Morwynn - aaaw thankyou for asking! Yup...life is ok! This chappie is for YOU. Now update Sex & Chocolate! haha Luveee u_

_I'm gonna go throw myself in bed cuz its late.  
I'm going for the 100 reviews! woohooooooooooooo! Please make me a surprise and let me fing those 30 revs missing tomorrow morning? Naaah...just kidding.  
Thanks luves_

_Goodnight  
ABloodyWonder_


	15. One Last Time

**Never Love Again.**

She didn't think he was going to go _soft _on her now, did she? Because he would not. It had been _a_ night, one, single, only, regrettable, regretted night of weakness. No more. She didn't think it actually _meant_ anything, did she? Because it didn't. No. Not at all. Not in the slightest.

All this, Mr Sweeney Todd pondered as he lay beside her in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, stiff as if made of ice. Which he was. He would certainly not be lying there if she wasn't all curled on him. He just lie there because he didn't want to wake her up. In no way he was enjoying it.

_Keep telling that to yourself._

_Shut up._

_You cant shut me up. I'm inside you._

_I'll bloody sl-_

_Uh. Don't think so. Cant slit your own bloody throat, can you?_

He most certainly couldn't. So he had to cope with the annoying voice in his head. Conscience Benjamin used to call it. _Buggering voice in the back of the head sounds more like it_, he snarled. He was so still, so stiff, his arms and legs straight, his eyes fixed on that annoying spot on the ceiling. Looked like an eye, it did. The twirling designs of the wooden boards made him nervous. Little spooky faces looking down at him, they seemed. Judging him, all his weakness, he was still that naïve barber he was back then! Never, ever again was he going to let her… get to him.

Oh but he was wrong. He would, soon enough.

It would be that complete blankness, the peace of one moment that would defeat him. The wave of blank hotness shooting through his limbs. The mind going white, totally empty and peaceful. His gritted brow for an only moment smoothing out. There would be no judge in his emptiness, no bloodlust, no leg-bending fear, no anger, no grief. There would be no Lucy. Only him, and a tiny glint of Nellie Lovett. What scared him was that he didn't care for her to be there. He was actually quite content.

But still. It was the peace that won him over, he lusted after an other, single moment of blankness. He _needed_ it. And he would get it. No matter what his mind said, no matter what his purpose was on this black pit of a world.

He felt his lastest bit of self control snap under his fingers as he slid his faithful razor in an unfortunate customer's throat. His hesitation gave the poor man a chance to give a gurgling cry, that was cut short by Todd's swift movement.

He growled loudly and stomped in a wild way on the pedal, managing not to break it out of pure chance. He hated his weakness. The way he'd give in to his corporal needs, his primitive instincts_. Why don't you slash your own bloody throat, eh? _But he didn't. He plunged the razor in the wooden armchair's arm instead. Deep. And ran for the stairs.

* * *

Mrs Lovett was deep in the dinner rush. She could hardly think over the noise, or move properly through the crowd of drunkards, or breathe. And the last thing she needed was a crazed murderer, _my crazed murderer_, shooting through her shop and seizing her by an arm, asking for what she would be so very willing to give…any time but now.

But still… now. She knew she would give in. She'd rather loose a million customers that a second night with this man.

"Doesn't seem the right time, luv" she argued half-heartedly.

He merely grunted and tugged on her arm once again

"I got customers… can't leave now!"

"The boy can attend to this"

"But"

He tugged again and she stumbled behind him. Oh she was being so damn easy! _Stand up for yerself, woman! _And so she did, at least…she tried.

She pointed her feet and stopped. "ye cant drag me 'round like a bloodeh rag doll, ye know?" she hissed at him, her eyes narrowed. She stood firm, her head high, but her heart whispered " _go_", and it was not only her heart. The only touch on her arm sent shivers through her and a warmness spreading between her legs.

Oh but it seemed that he could, he most certainly could drag her around like a doll. And proved it with two simple words, whispered hoarsely into her hair, his breath warm and stormy "Now. Come."

And she did.

* * *

He slammed her most unceremoniously on the lumpy bed, her higher back colliding with the wall behind her. She grunted in pain, but said nothing. She bloody well knew that he wanted no talking through this.

He breathed. _Calm down_. He tried to get his breathing stable. No use. Well…guess there was little option left then.

He dived on her, pouncing like a predator on his pray. Quite a willing pray, too. The dress wasn't pulled off, it was torn, he didn't kiss her, he bit down on her, his hands didn't wander, they bruised, they cut. He didn't whisper, he roared. But she didn't whimper, or run, or shield herself. She clawed back at him, bit back, roared back. As he brutally had his way with her, she brutally had her way with him.

His hands reached to grab her slim wrists and plunged them in the mattress, holding her down, his back arched as he bent down what he reclaimed as his. He bit his way down to her breasts, clawed, bit, sucked at her erect nipples, slid down, further down, finally releasing her wrists. Her hands flung to his back, pushing him down, her nails digging in his back fiercely, the little round cuts on his shoulders filling up in red.

He smashed his hands between her thighs, and opened her legs, or was it her? He didn't like keeping her stable, letting her be in charge. _Thought she'd gotten him tamed, did she? She was wrong._ He pushed her legs up, so her knees were in the air, exposing the soft patch between her legs to him completely. He bent in and kissed her roughly, softly biting on her clitoris as she cried in pleasure.

"Fuck me now, will ya?" she managed to cry out. She tried to not sound as if she was pleading but didn't half get it.

He felt very much like obliging. But it sounded a little too much like an order to him and he tried to get himself to wait. _You don't want to let this bitch boss you around now, do you?_

He plunged two fingers in her mercilessly, obtaining very much satisfying sounds from her. He dug in her, his thumb rubbing at her clit, knowing he himself won't last much longer, the throb in his trousers getting much too painful.

But…something unexpected occurred. The object of his desire, meant to be just some kind of rag doll in his hands, came to life. And _how_ she came to life. He felt hands reach for him most private parts, he felt lips smashing on his. He groaned in her mouth at the pleasure she was giving him. Her hands reached up for his buttons and into his trousers. He gasped.

_Oh,_ she mumbled to herself. A small smirk reaching her lips. _Oh_. Fancy that. Seemed like she could finally be in charge, not for long anyway. But she was going to make it last as long as she could. She took him in her hands and slid a pointed nail up and down its length, sending shivers up him. He arched his back slightly to her greatest satisfaction. She took her chance. She gave him a strong push with her free hand, sending him on his back, down, on the bed. Before he could react in a whatever unpleasant way she bent down and brought her lips to his throbbing member, her hands cupping his balls. He grunted wildly.

No more time for foreplay. The beast hidden in Sweeney (not so well hidden by the way) took over. He rose and slammed her back to her previous position. He rubbed his body up to her, his face buried in her chest, and slid in. She screamed, screamed so hard she feared the whole bakery must have heard her. He inched up in her, thrusting in and out fiercely, sending waves of pain and pleasure through her.

He bit at her neck as he plunged in and out of her, his hands gripping at her waist, digging in her skin. She spread her fingers in his hair, tugging with all her strength. Her hands slid to his shoulders and she grinned as she fought to get on top of him. They rolled on the bed, fiercely fighting for predominance, being pushed one after the other down in the mattress, the bed screamed under their rocking weight.

They came in a shattering moan and collapsed one in the other's arms, they lay, curled up together, breathing shaky and hands still wandering on the other. And finally. The bliss of the disappearance. Nothing at all.

Just Sweeney Todd and Nellie Lovett. And white, hot steam all around.

* * *

_Eeeey luves! First of all...thanks SO much for all the great reviews,  
I was freaking out about the last chappie but seemed like you guys appreciated :)...so...  
Hope you liked this chappie as much._

_I'm so sorry to say so, but I guess that we are near an end, in the next two...three chappies we are done for :(  
But I am SO going t get my 100 revs ok? Or I'll keep my breath and stomp my feet until I do. :D_

_I luved writing this cahppie...hope you love it as much!  
Thanks SO SO SO much for all the great reviews to the last two chaps. I LOVE YOU.  
ByTheBuautifulSea - aaaw, great to have you back! Thanks for the wonderful review, hope you like this chap as much!  
Tallica86 - I enjoy smut too...could you tell? haha. Thanksss for all the support. I'm happy I got the smut written right cuz it fel like...so wrong as I wrote it!  
PixieDreamer21 - Yaaay, Sweeney+Nellie forevah. I love them as a couple but I was trying to write this movie-wise. Maybe in the next fics...  
BabyBluewinx - Thanks SO much for reviewing both chappies, I NEVER do that when I miss one :) ooOps  
LovettsLover - haha I think I quite got the "hot" part :D  
eyeluv2d - yup, poor thing. Cruel cruel man, and by cruel I mean-oh so hot._

_Every time you review an author (namely ME) lets a certain blond-haired-not-quite-so-decesed-wife slip from her mind and disappear magically from half the chappies!  
Luv yaaah  
ABloodyWonder  
(BTW...this is SO long!)_


	16. Countdown

**Never Love Again.**

She woke up alone. The spot near her cold and empty, the stiff shape of his body still carved in the mattress and covers. She fought back a sob. _Just for pleasure…just for bedding, that's what I'm for. _She knew that was what she was meant for, at least, for what he was concerned. She knew she was not going to argue.

_Whatever minimum attention, ey? That's what you are seeking. The slightest, lousiest attention. _

_Yes. It is._

That was bound to shut up that unnerving voice in her head for a while. She got up, her muscles aching from their previous night. Their. Them. Us. It was finally an "us". Not the way she'd meant it to be…but still. She found herself smiling.

She turned sleepily to open her wardrobe, she stuck out a lazy arm. _Ouch. That hurts. Meh bloody muscles. Not a girlie anymore. _Her smile turned slowly in a grimace, she never liked remembering how old she was actually getting. _We been 'avin quite a night_ she mumbled to herself while rubbing at her sore muscles. _Well, better be back to work._

And she headed down, towards the kitchen.

* * *

Toby didn't sleep that night. Not a bit. He lay on his bed. Waiting for his mum to come tuck him in, at first. Then he realized she wouldn't come. He also realized why. It had been bad enough to have to deal with the dinner rush alone. But not half as bad as lying there, in the room next to hers. _Damn the thin walls_.

He knew what they ought to be doing…technically. He'd been told. No, not by Mrs Lovett, no, they'd never mentioned any of it. By bigger kids, back at the workhouse. And of course being Pirelli's apprentice had taught him quite a lot too. The man was never e about his loves.

Yes, he knew what was going on. He knew every single bit of it. Bigger kids at the workhouse used to brag about their nights, enjoying the sight of the disgusted faces of the smaller ones. He knew. But he never thought it could be like this. All the screaming, grunting, the bed screeching under them. He couldn't help but listen. And yet, he was disgusted. His heart sinking, as if in grief. But he'd lost no-one. _The respect for her_. Maybe that was missing.

He got up from bed that morning. His body stiff from his uncomfortable posture. His mind blank. He repeated his morning-actions mechanically, trying to shut his thoughts down, for he knew they would by no means be pleasant.

He walked stiffly down to the bakery

* * *

Sweeney Todd never needed much sleep, not even as Benjamin Barker. He used to wake up, deep in the night and stare at his sleeping beauty, his Lucy. Now, as the demon barber, he had no princess to stare at, to care for. No one he could watch over. But he woke up none the less.

He was never so grateful about that than that night. He woke up, totally immobile, only his eyes shooting open, and untied the knots her fingers had tied on top of him. With a swift movement he was out of the bed, out of her reach, into his abandoned clothing.

And off.

Back to his room, back to his unstoppable pacing.

He groaned upon himself for succumbing to his body again, disgusted by his own blasted weakness. He tore the razor from the wooden chair and resumed his walking aimlessly around the room.

Never. Again.

And he was right. It would never happen again. But not from lack of interest from either part. It would be from lack of time. Time being time left on this arid world. But how was he to know that?

Well, he had no way of knowing. So he bugged his mind about it nevertheless.

Seeing that it was no good he stepped angrily down the stairs, into the shop. Right to the root of the problem.

* * *

So, ah! Here they were. All three in a room. Very well.

And all of them felt like he'd rather be anywhere else. But they were there, in a room. Speechless. And an only thought shooting through each of their minds Why should I be the first to talk?

And of course there was no answer to that, it was rhetorical.

So they stood, speechless.

And busted back, each to their room. Red in the face. In anger, in sorrow, in shame.

* * *

Mrs Lovett's last day then. Yes, Mrs Lovett's…it is _her_ story after all. Anyhow, Mrs Lovett's last day was not going to be uneventful. But the events were not bound to be pleasurable ones. Naturally the last thing one would wish for himself is a murderous, violent death. But it wasn't that that would bug her after all. She did die by the hands of the man she loved, the same hands that had been ravishing her to the night before. So it was not that that would bug her, but the events in between, all the insignificant, little acts in between that had led to that fatal moment.

So its of _those_ that we'll talk.

The event number one was nothing but the day's routine, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, care for the dough, and of course butcher the corpses, grind the meat, commit a few of your daily sins.

But that was quite insignificant. Then came those hundreds of little abuses the pie maker had to deal with. Men staring down her cleavage, men shouting at her, men demanding more than she was willing to give, men drinking and drinking, men trying to leave without paying. She had grown quite angry at men by the end of the night.

Then came Toby, Toby that would blush, stare at his feet, avoiding her eyes. Toby that would not dare even look at her, talk to her, only obey silently. Oh how she wanted to slap him. Slap the foolish boy that had overheard what he needn't hear.

And came the moment in which she was meant to walk up those stairs-oh how long those stairs suddenly appeared- and bring _him_ his lunch. And she would stare at the floor as she handed him the tray and he would take it harshly from her hands and shove it on the desk.

And then, that exact moment, she would burst.

"Talk to me! Bloody talk to me! Speak, goddamn man! For Christ's ache, talk to me! BLOODY HELL! SHOUT AT ME! TELL ME TO GET OUT! TALK! "

And as she screamed over her lungs, he merely turned around from his place by the window, and his eyes bore straight in hers.

She couldn't take it anymore. She fell to the floor, on her knees, and cried, she cried her eyes out, shaken by harsh sobs, head buried in her hands.

And he stood.

And she cried.

Mrs Lovett. His Mrs Lovett-he could very well call her his- cried. But Mrs Lovett didn't cry. Mrs Lovett never cried. Mrs Lovett had no need, no _right_ to cry. And yet, she cried.

And he stood.

And she cried.

And when she still didn't give any sign of being near to an end, he bent next to her. Awkwardly. His position was awkward and awkward felt his hand on her back. He had no idea what to do with it, either leave it limp on her, or rub it on her back, or simply take it off.

Her head turned up slightly, her eyes boring back into his.

And she slapped him.

* * *

Back downstairs. Work to do. Customers to serve. Yes, _serve_.

There was drama going on above her head, but how was she to know? She had seen the sailor rushing in, but she didn't care. And then Toby had been called up too. And the pacing had gotten frantic, and she saw the "closed" sign on his door. But she didn't care. Not the tiniest bit.

Her day was to be a somewhat normal day – as normal as a murderers-accomplice's day could be- until the moment the kid, little sweet Toby, would come rushing in, a frightened look on his face.

"Nothing is gonna harm ye, mum, I promise. Nothing"

He had no idea how wrong he was.

* * *

_Longest non-smutty chapter to now. And not to mention...second-last.  
Sorry luves, got SO many requests to go on. But I'm gonna close this at chappie 17. oh...17...THAT IS SO LONG!  
Anyways I was planning on writing an after-death fic 'bout the two... what do you think?_

_Hope you liked the chappie. Its messy, and sad. But please please please...only 9B reviews to go!  
I thought this would be SO much shorter, its quite sad to close it (  
PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR IT! :))))_

_Ooook... so thanks to:  
BabyBluewinx - yaaay I loved to have them struggle for dominance! Luv ye for all the sweet reviews. Kisses  
Tallica86 - I LOVE to have his talk to himself...well Nell too... I guess that's cuz I do it to :P  
eyeluv2d - haha yea, me too... I lurve smut! :)  
angelkake - aaaw sooooorry luv! Its just...I was trying to write movie-wise. So its gonna end like its gotta end :(  
tearsandeyeliner - Yup...I've been unconciously wrinting from more points of view... oops  
RoleplayCracktastic - Thanks So much, I was SO worried bout the sex... Well...I went to a bilingual school since I was tiny so I guess its like a second language to me :) Luve youu!_

_To the next and sigh last chappie, me loves.  
Reviewers dont get slapped by an angrey Nellie :D  
_

_ABloodyWonder  
_


	17. Facts About Dying

**Never Love Again.**

Dying is an ever-so-complicated thing to do. It takes all of you. all. of. you. It takes great effort and will. It is one of those things you'd need experience in, only that technically you can't get it. Of course a violent cause of death can only simplify the job. Simplify, not make it _easy_. Its never easy. And you never have the time to learn. It's the one thing you can't get experience in, and when you do, you are not going to need it anymore.

It takes a strong will to die, ever come to think of that? Its complicated, it takes concentration. All of your bloody, stubborn cells, in that very same moment, must let go. _Poof_, and you collapse. But what if they don't? You are going to have to try, try and try again. And if you are not willing to try? Well, then its just a plain mess.

Mrs Lovett, for one, didn't want to try, oh no. Not at all. She had no intention of letting the things run smoothly. Oh how wrong she was, leaving this cruel world whilst screaming and kicking is not the best way. Not like there is a very comfortable way.

But the moment did come, whether she wanted or not. Well, the moment came in which she stopped the inutile, stupid, childish screaming. And that was when she saw it all.

Death is a complicated thing, a cruel, complicated process that we all have to endure, sooner or later. But as much as death is cruel, death is merciful. Death doesn't enjoy taking all of those hollow souls, made of nothing but despair. Oh no, death enjoys the idea of a moment of bliss, before the end.

And death _did_ like that woman. Because he enjoyed his job, and that woman's um…activities were so very welcome, and profitable, for what he was concerned. So he gave her _the_ moment.

Thirty four years of her life shot behind her eyes. So fast, and yet so clear. And she took them in, moment by moment.

Now, you have to know, there must be a very efficient service behind all of what we see, feel, smell, taste. Life, like death, is a very complicated process. Needs tons of work behind it. And people to take care of it. Death is one of those, has quite a grim job, but enjoys it. There are other people behind every thing we see in this life of ours.

So, about that organization. One of the most interesting departments is the memory cupboard. Now, imagine all of this organization as a common, every-day's office, white walls, white chairs, white desks, people going around in their work-suits. Well, now.In a common office you'll find all of those little annoying white cupboards, loads of them. And in them, files over files.

Now, the memory cupboard is one of those. Its deep, as deep as can get, and, inside, files. Files in an alphabetical order, just like they are supposed to be. Over them, names. Oh, the strangest names you'd find in there! But this is another matter. Now, everyone, _every_ one of us has a file in there. And inside, you find it all. Your life.

And it's Nellie Lovett's file we've been browsing in. there is more to it, oh, so much more. But it'd take a lifetime to read. And don't take me in a figurative way.

We are going to close her file now. And let her rest. Where she is now, and I can assure you she _is_ somewhere now, we can't know. For it sits in another file, in another cupboard.

* * *

_So, here we are. Its finished.  
This is my firstest multi-chapter finished.  
It was meant to be SO much shorter. But you goys and your BEAUTIFUL reviews made me change idea  
So, right now I have EXACTLY 100 reviews on this story. I LOVE YOU ALL._

_I'm so sad i had to close this. I was writing it all movie-wise. I SWEAR I'm gonna make happier fictions...someday!  
I loved writing this chapter, it took all of my heart. So please please please review me the last time?  
Oh this is SO saaaaaad! Think I'm gonna cry._

_Tell me what you thought of all the after-dead organization thingie, it's an idea that's been rolling in my head for quite a while so...  
I am SO sorry if I offended ANYONE'S religious beliefs, the fact is that I'm ath and have NO idea what I dont have to and stuff._

_So (last thankies :( ) Thanks to:  
angelkake - yup, qute depressing it was.. :( ...i don't think this is any better though!  
BlinkingJeannie - haha, I loved the slap-bit. i just HAD to put it somewhere!  
tearsandeyeliner - mmh, yup! thanksies luv for giving me soo many, wonderful revs  
eyeluv2d - here it iiis! Hope you dont run after me with an angry crowd now :D sowwy...had to go as it had to go  
Morwynn - hahaha I LOVED all the screaming and kicking scene. Awww Pussy from Shrek! How could I resist. Hope I didnt write this too much depressing... ggh  
LovettsLover - Thank for all the oh-so-funny reciews! Yup, she's fine, so very much fine. Terrible end she gets. But still, couldn't end anyway different. I love the film, every part of it, from the beginning to the end. came out of the cinema shrieking bout how bloody cool the film was!_

_So, now. Lastest goodbyes on this fic.  
But its not the last time you hear from meh! Not gonna get rid of me THAT easy!  
So its a see ya soon.  
Bye luves._

_ABloodyWonder_


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